What Is Play Therapy? And How Does It Help My Child?
When my neighbor Maria first told me her 6-year-old daughter Emma was going to "play therapy," I'll admit I was confused. "So... she's going to therapy to play?" I asked. "That sounds like something I could do at home for free."
Maria laughed, but I could see the worry in her eyes. Emma had been struggling since her parents' divorce—nightmares, tantrums, refusing to go to school some days. Traditional talk therapy felt overwhelming for such a little person. "The therapist explained that for kids, play IS their language," Maria said. "It's how they make sense of their world."
Six months later, I watched Emma building elaborate castles in Maria's backyard, narrating complex stories about brave princesses who saved the day. The anxious, withdrawn child I'd known was blooming again. That's when I truly understood the magic of play therapy.
Why Kids Need a Different Kind of Therapy
Here's something that seems obvious once you think about it: asking a 5-year-old to sit in a chair and talk about their feelings is like asking them to perform surgery. They just don't have the tools yet.
Most kids under 12 don't have the vocabulary to express complex emotions. They can't say, "I'm experiencing anxiety about my parents' relationship and it's manifesting as behavioral regression." What they can do is crash toy cars together repeatedly, or make the mommy and daddy dolls live in separate houses, or draw pictures where everyone is sad.
Think about how kids naturally process their world. They play house to understand family dynamics. They play doctor to work through medical fears. They play superhero to feel powerful when they feel small. Play isn't just what kids do for fun—it's literally how their brains are wired to learn and heal.
Adults talk through their problems. Kids play through them.
What Actually Happens in Play Therapy?
I used to imagine play therapy as just letting kids loose in a room full of toys while a therapist took notes in the corner. The reality is much more intentional and beautiful than that.
A play therapist creates a special space—usually a room filled with specific types of toys and materials chosen for their therapeutic value. We're talking about dolls and dollhouses, art supplies, sand trays, musical instruments, dress-up clothes, and yes, sometimes just regular toys too.
But here's the key: the therapist isn't just supervising playtime. They're trained to understand the language of play. When a child repeatedly crashes toy cars, the therapist might recognize this as the child processing trauma or feeling out of control. When a child buries toys in sand, it might be their way of expressing something they can't put into words.
The therapist follows the child's lead while gently guiding them toward healing. They might join the play, ask curious questions, or help the child explore different endings to the stories they're acting out.
Let me give you an example. Seven-year-old Jake came to therapy after witnessing a car accident. He couldn't talk about what happened—he'd just shut down whenever anyone brought it up. But in the play therapy room, he was drawn to the toy ambulances and fire trucks. Week after week, he'd set up elaborate rescue scenes.
His therapist didn't push him to talk about the real accident. Instead, she joined his play. "Oh no, there's been a crash. What should we do?" Gradually, through play, Jake worked through his trauma. He practiced being the helper instead of the scared observer. He created different endings where everyone was okay. He regained his sense of safety and control.
Who Can Benefit from Play Therapy?
Play therapy isn't just for kids with "serious" problems. Any child going through a difficult transition, dealing with big emotions, or struggling with behavior can benefit.
I've seen play therapy help kids who are:
Dealing with divorce or family changes
Struggling with anxiety or fears
Acting out behaviorally at home or school
Grieving a loss
Processing trauma
Having trouble making friends
Dealing with big life transitions like moving or starting school
Struggling with self-esteem
But here's what I love most about play therapy—it's not deficit-focused. It's not about what's "wrong" with your child. It's about giving them tools to understand themselves better, express their emotions, and build resilience.
The Different Types of Play Therapy
Not all play therapy looks the same, and that's a good thing because not all kids are the same.
Child-Centered Play Therapy lets the child lead completely. The therapist creates a safe space and follows the child's natural play instincts. This approach trusts that kids have an innate ability to heal themselves when given the right environment.
Directive Play Therapy is more structured. The therapist might introduce specific activities or games designed to address particular issues. This might be helpful for kids who need more guidance or have specific goals.
Family Play Therapy includes parents or siblings in sessions. Sometimes the whole family needs to learn new ways of playing and communicating together.
Group Play Therapy lets kids work through issues with peers. This can be especially helpful for children struggling with social skills or feeling isolated.
The type of play therapy your child receives will depend on their specific needs, age, and personality. A good play therapist will tailor their approach to what works best for your unique child.
What to Expect as a Parent
I know how nerve-wracking it can be to start therapy with your child. You're probably wondering: What will they talk about? Will my child tell the therapist things they won't tell me? How will I know if it's working?
First, know that play therapists understand the delicate balance of keeping your child's confidence while keeping you informed. They won't share every detail of what happens in sessions (your child needs that safe space), but they should give you general updates on progress and any concerns.
You might notice changes at home before you see them in therapy. Your child might start playing differently, talking about their feelings more, or handling difficult situations better. Sometimes kids get worse before they get better as they start processing difficult emotions—this is normal and often a sign that the therapy is working.
Most importantly, don't expect immediate results. Play therapy is a process, not a quick fix. Some children show improvement in a few weeks, others need several months. Trust the process and trust your child's natural ability to heal.
How to Support the Process at Home
You don't need to become a play therapist, but there are ways you can support your child's healing at home.
Follow their lead in play. When your child wants to play, really play with them. Put down your phone, get on the floor, and enter their world. Let them direct the play instead of turning it into a teaching moment.
Create space for emotions. If your child is working through something in therapy, they might have big feelings at home too. Instead of trying to fix or dismiss these emotions, just acknowledge them. "You seem really angry right now. That's okay. All feelings are allowed here."
Don't pressure them to talk about therapy. Some kids love sharing what they did in their session, others prefer to keep it private. Both are okay. You can ask general questions like "Did you have fun today?" but don't interrogate.
Keep routines consistent. While your child is processing difficult emotions, extra structure and predictability at home can be really helpful.
Take care of yourself too. Watching your child struggle is hard. Make sure you're getting the support you need, whether that's your own therapy, a support group, or just regular coffee dates with understanding friends.
Signs It's Working
So how do you know if play therapy is actually helping your child? The changes might be subtle at first, but here's what to look for:
Your child seems more relaxed overall. Maybe they're sleeping better, or those daily meltdowns are becoming less frequent. They might start expressing emotions in words instead of just acting them out.
You might notice them playing differently at home—maybe working through scenarios that mirror what they're dealing with, or just seeming more creative and free in their play.
School might report improvements too. Better focus, fewer behavioral issues, more willingness to participate. Sometimes teachers notice changes before parents do because they see your child in a different context.
But remember, progress isn't always linear. There might be good days and hard days. That's normal and doesn't mean the therapy isn't working.
Finding the Right Play Therapist
Not every therapist who works with children is trained in play therapy. Look for someone who is specifically certified in play therapy through organizations like the Association for Play Therapy.
Ask about their training, their approach, and their experience with issues similar to what your child is facing. Most importantly, trust your gut. Does this person seem like someone your child could feel safe with?
Many play therapists will do a brief consultation with parents first to explain their approach and see if it's a good fit. Don't be afraid to ask questions. You're not just choosing a therapist—you're choosing a partner in your child's healing journey.
The Gift of Play
Here's what I've learned from watching kids go through play therapy: it's not just about fixing problems. It's about giving children the gift of being truly seen and understood. It's about helping them develop emotional intelligence, resilience, and self-awareness that will serve them for life.
In our achievement-focused world, we sometimes forget that play isn't frivolous—it's fundamental. It's how children learn about themselves, practice for real life, and heal from difficult experiences.
When we honor children's natural way of processing the world through play, we're telling them that their inner world matters, that their feelings are valid, and that they have the strength to work through whatever they're facing.
Trust the Process
If you're considering play therapy for your child, trust your instincts. You know your child better than anyone. If something feels off, if they're struggling in ways that don't seem to be resolving on their own, if you feel like you need additional support—those are all valid reasons to explore therapy.
Play therapy isn't about admitting failure as a parent. It's about giving your child every tool possible to thrive. It's about recognizing that sometimes we all need help, even the smallest among us.
And here's the beautiful thing: when children heal through play, they often discover strengths they didn't know they had. They learn that they're capable of working through difficult things, that their feelings matter, and that they're worthy of care and attention.
That's a gift that will last long after the therapy sessions end.
If you're interested in play therapy for your child, start by talking to your pediatrician or school counselor for referrals. Many play therapists offer free consultations to help you determine if their approach is right for your family.
